My father's secret life and why Tana Ramsay's story stirred painful memories ...
We hadn’t even buried my father when I came across evidence of an affair. There it lay under a pile of papers in his study – a small red envelope with his name on. It wasn’t my mother’s handwriting, but it was recognisable nonetheless. ‘With love always, R x’ read the words inside the handmade Valentine’s card. I felt sick. Of course. It was Rita – my mother’s best friend.
How could he? How could he?
My mother was in the kitchen. Once more she had given in to grief and I could hear the familiar sobbing. Putting Rita to the back of my mind, I went to comfort her. I didn’t have the head space for this right now. I could barely believe that my dad had died – a heart attack at 65. My mother, younger sister and I all felt lost and utterly drained.
Rita had phoned the day before. I hadn’t heard her voice in years. She reminisced about all the wonderful times our two families had spent together – holidays, outings, Sundays in the garden. As young as six, I would run across our cul-de-sac to show her my new outfits; my mother supported her through her divorce and her father’s death. But she couldn’t get to my father’s funeral, she’d said. She had come down with a virus. Now I knew the real reason.
My sister was days away from giving birth and my mother too overwhelmed with grief to tackle the practicalities of letting people know and organising the funeral, so it was left to me. I searched through my father’s inbox for email addresses of people who’d want to know what had happened, and there it was again – Rita’s name, this time in an email sent almost a year earlier. I took a deep breath and clicked.
It was friendly rather than romantic, making reference to a visit she had recently made to see my parents from her home in Scotland (she’d moved away ten years before). But there was a PS. ‘Just found your last Valentine’s card – you were so romantic!’ Your last? How many were there? I stamped my finger on the ‘delete’ button in anger, although not before taking a printout, which I shoved in my handbag – I wasn’t sure why.
I had taken it upon myself to sort out my father’s study, but rather than taking my time, I now had a sense of urgency. What if my mother decided to get stuck in after all and found something she shouldn’t?
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